Wednesday and Losar has officially begun. The Tibetans are marking a new year and we as practitioners of the path they preserved so well, celebrate with them.
But my celebration is a solemn one. That shadowy underbelly of my constant optimistic external appearance is a dark angry and intolerant mind. An unsavory judgment of all that is souring in this world and a rebel yell that ~ maybe~ if we just sink into the result of what we create - we will finally learn a lesson. Though perhaps too late.
But that is absurd isn't it? It is not the literary genius of "A Modest Proposal" - instead it is a jaded and weak blogger saying "let the defiant brat run clueless into the street... I guarantee the lesson will be learned!"
I do not enjoy sinking to this place. This unfortunate reminder that often, our best efforts are in vain. That no matter how fine the intention ~to be useful~ the actual result is a long doggie-paddle through the sea of our infinite inability to help in the present. To hope. To even matter much. Takes ~so~ much ~TIME~.
A lot of this morning's sadness is the heels of a writing exercise Dara and I undertook at our small salon last night. Prompted by random slips of paper to write on the topic of "How do I wish to be remembered" or some such similar nonsense - we then had 2 words to issue our minds in a particular direction. Image was the first word and Average came later.
Both sent me to a place of seething. Feeling a bit silly for believing that there is the ability to affect change when the effects are always so strongly skewed to the inevitable progress of decay. ARRRRGH I was ranting inside. But I kept spilling ink onto the page to push away any sense of not rising to the task.
And so at 2:00 a.m., after four hours in the prayer room, I took my handheld electronic umbilical cord to the world, I retrieved my facebook friend list - which is the closest approximation I have to all my acquaintances in this life ~or at least a decent cross section~~ and I circumambulated in 20 degree cold Maryland air - praying around the Enlightenment stupa at KPC - that each name I recited achieve the ultimate gift. The end of suffering... a get out of jail free card that none of us possess at this point. That few of us even know exists - and that is FAR from free.
My later writing exercise (earlier in the evening) spoke of Jesus again. Saddened by the pathetic mis-use of his mission and his name by this world to build big churches, to raise cash coffers, to write scandalous stories~ and to promise a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card to unsuspecting gamers. I felt an ache that I cannot pretend he felt, but a sense... like an excellent portrayal, that His heart broke even as they revered him. That as he saw the fate they created in their lack of vision, he still would allow the most brutal handling of his delicate human condition. To show that it did not matter on the one hand, and on the other it was a WASTE and an incomprehensible tragedy.
To have taken birth, lived thirty and a handful of years trying to give hope in a dark and horrid bureaucratic place such as Earth had become - not to say this or that religion is better or worse - but to simply point out that everyone who wasn't looking for the truth - was blind when it shined the brightest.
Hundreds of years would pass before they would restructure the stories and tell of the Glory they had in their midst. But by then it was a fable told by corpses... a fairy tale, an act of supreme faith to an idea that had been polished and pretty-fied and made so surreal, that now it was easy to follow - it was not real in the moment. It was history.
But what of those who sat in silence with the knowledge of the betrayal? That the man, who they knew to be so much more, and yet, to them -- had no real perspective because he was a teacher and friend to them - not yet an unassailable legend. He sat and supped with them. He told of the struggles that they had not yet faced, and he was confident and they were afraid, and perhaps doubtful. And it was all part of their normal life. The sun rose, the sun set... the Apocalypse was not even written yet - be it true or fantasy.
And then he let one of his closest send him to the act. The ultimate display of how little this world mattered, and yet how much we believed in its display.
I know that very few of us will understand a silly rant such as what I type here. You are all much more intelligent than I am, so I trust that I have nothing new to offer. I have no doubt in that regard. But my heart is open to a sadness today. A truth that I usually bury deeper than can be reached - because I prefer the false security of home and friendship, family and comfort and DISTRACTION.
Today, though - I imagine that the truest note ~ a pitch-perfect reminder of all that Samsara has to offer~ is being offered on my behalf - perhaps in the music mecca of Nashville. On OUR behalf... a modern angel will have spat truth into a world that has little or no chance to hear it before the Samsaric soldiers of righteousness nail the message to a tree and point at it in deaf reminder of how easily we can manipulate phenomena.
If it were God, Buddha, Truth... should it crumble so easily? Could the power be shut off and the accounts and assets rendered worthless... and could the appearance of Mary or Mandarava or any pure and well intentioned saint or Christ seem so unfamiliar?
And as we bawled and cried, and wailed and gnashed our teeth 2,000 years ago, doubtful that perhaps He had been speaking the truth, because it appeared to have... Died... could we even BEGIN to believe again in such a modern and cynical and well informed world as this?
I think it always lives on, but is very saddened to see how slow we are to learn from what we have in our very hands. That friend was with us. And we could not see. And whether we stood and proclaimed eternal loyalty, or quietly sat in the back to watch the show unfold - WHO benefited when the Truth lived with them, among them and encouraging them to boldly do things their society would not support. Who indeed? I often wonder.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
So far behind...
When I was growing up around the athletic department (do NOT laugh you cruel and indolent readers - despite my total absence of physical abilities... my father was a football coach most of my life, so I grew up in coliseums, arenas and stadiums...) my brother and I would often go down to the track at UGA scrimmage fields. It was your basic track, several lanes around an inner field of high jump mattresses, pole vault gates and broad jump sand pits. A kid's wonderland within those olympic style training grounds.
I always loved one observation about the runners. After a while, if the faster joggers got all the way around the track and caught up with a slower runner being "lapped" - the loser would be ahead for just a brief moment of illusion as the others caught up to them again. With child logic still at play in my brain, I have been known to say as an adult... "I am so far behind I am ahead again!" This saying is based on that track memory as a kid.
For the record... this is one of those periods in life when that expression is perfect.
Life has somehow lapped me and is approaching from the rear after leaving me in the dust quite some time ago. It disappeared ahead of me and is now creeping up from behind - panting and breathing down my back and mocking my defeated posture and pace.
I have so many piles around me of intentions, projects, ideas and you-name-it all SCREAMING in my general direction. And yet time is less available, less free, and less utilized than when I worked full time. How does that happen? Busy, busy, busy... and sliding further behind it seems.
It is such an amazing phenomenon to me. You know how a day sprawls out ahead of you... a thousand ideas percolate about how to spend the VAST number of hours that your planner show as "available" on this day. And you begin to lull into the giddy anticipation of what will be accomplished.
Then suddenly, it is time to figure out lunch plans, cause you lolly-gagged about this free time of a morning - and so you sit down to eat your mid-day meal, only to discover that it is ~oops~ late afternoon. As you finish up and move along to your early evening rituals you start to edit your to-do list in an effort to bring it more into accordance with the dwindling hours of your day that remain.
Then gosh-dang-it you gotta stop and figure out dinner plans. And by the time you set, sit and clear... well it is evening routine and beddy bye prep time and then a few winks later (if you're lucky) you are up and at 'em and smack dab in the middle of the start of tomorrow.
Then wash. rinse. repeat.
It boggles the remnants of my ~once~ youthful and sharp mind how *warp speed* time seems to have gotten. Always having been a bit of a crafty little devil, I managed to skate through YEARS of my life with spare energy and time always in my reservoir. But... of late? Not. so. much.
I actually (don't laugh) skip sleep about once a month to try and muddle through a little extra catch up time onlingering projects. I start out with every intention to accomplish x,y or z and then suddenly Facebook, my Blackberry and Netflix gang up on me and shove 3 hours into the disposal -~GrIndiNG NOW into a pulverized vanishing paste. Inevitably I find myself behind on the daily trajectory and then... I hear it... lightly at first... the thud, thud, thud of an escalating jogger's pace... and in a swish of Nikes and clicky stopwatch ticks ~~ the stinging humiliation of being overtaken (again)... I hear my opponent sneer as he steps past. "Time" they call him.
That curs-ed triathlete can run, swim and bike faster than I ever dreamed of going. It seems clear I will never be able to close the distance now- and the prideful and arrogant victory sprint of this show boater is opening a gaping new lead to the front again. Give it a while and the bugger will sneak up from the rear Again. And Again. ~Bastard~
Yep. So far behind I am ahead. Wish it were as simple as all that. But at least I have Folgers in my cup - and a whole day ahead cause it's only 6:00AM ~~WAIT-A-MINUTE~~ the clock reads 8:25 now!?!?! But I've only been blogging a few minutes. *sigh* I better lace up my shoes and start stretching. Looks like I am a few laps behind from the get go.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Robert Benchley QUOTE
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."
http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Robert_Benchley
--
This article was sent using my Viigo.
For a free download, go to http://getviigo.com
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Friday, February 13, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Obama Faced Ticket
Not that I actually used this, but it is kind of cool to find one in a parking lot. I am attending an art event themed around the new president on Friday!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
The real Internal Revenue Service
There is this thing I am learning... that is probably quite obvious, but I am a slow learner.
The U.S. Federal Government has made taxation about the most complicated process I have EVER been required to participate in. Don't get me wrong... I am grateful (a lot of times) for what taxes provide... and other times I am resistant to what taxes support. But whatever the USAGE - I am amazed at how complex tax forms , rules and regulations can be.
And considering most of our lives are affected by taxes (from what we buy, sell or own - to where we live, work and play) it is strange to me how LITTLE we all understand taxes (and by WE it is implied that I am the tax moron - and you are all kind enough to let me pluralize the pronoun to disassociate from my shame.)
Anyway - I haven't much time to blog, but I spent the "better" part of this week (and by better I mean the most miserable parts) learning some fast track rules and regulations about nonprofits and what is required on donor reporting and things of this nature.
It was further made "interesting" (and by interesting I mean stressful) by the fact that we consolidated a lot of the operations of our organization this past year - so we were doing what one of my colleagues calls "forensic" accounting at times. The information is all in place - but as we move from multiple centers and methods of operations to a streamline consolidated administrative process - guess who gets to learn the ins and outs of book-keeping!? Poolesville CSI: Finance Team Cold Cases.
But I am finding it a rewarding fit for my problem solving mind - it is all about taking numbers (that reconcile if you have them all in the right order) and matching them with dates, and events and seeing how generous people are towards organizations that depend almost exclusively on people who believe in their cause.
So anyway - the check is in the mail (or rather, the statement is in the mail - and all the charities you supported this year are grateful for what you have given.)
FYI - this I did not know... 501(c)3 tax exempt organizations are required to send a statement to every member who gave a SINGLE donation of $250 at one time. This is good to know. Perhaps you give $50/month and do so all year long. If that church, rescue group, school system or whatever did not receive a SINGLE payment of $250+ from you - it does not matter that you gave perhaps gave more than $250 over multiple donations - you might have to request the receipt/statement if required it for your taxes. Most will try to provide statements for all donors, but the LAW requires that by January 31st (or February 2nd in the case of a year like 2009 where the 31st falls on a Saturday) all donors that gave $250 or more (in a single donation) are sent their tax documents from the nonprofit.
Kind of interesting I thought - a little counter intuitive too. If you have a charity you contribute to regularly - do not be afraid to ask for your donor receipt if they did not automatically send it out to you (give it til Friday -since they may have mailed it yesterday)... in these tough economic times... many charities are feeling the pinch of their donor base "shrinking" and so it is not always equitable to send full runs of contribution statements, plus in all volunteer orgs... just finding the PEOPLE POWER to manage such tasks can be a difficulty.
But I know as a member of the treasury team at our temple, we gladly will provide the reports to anyone who gave even a small, kind offering upon request. Their kindness is as critical to our survival as those we lovingly call the "big donors". It takes many drops to fill a bucket!
Just where is my mind these days? It is a chore in repetitive tasks to prepare all the documentation for tax filings. And I have decided that we should all be kind to the accountants, CPAs and those fortunate souls who are dug into the processing of all this paper trail at this time of year - (and how much MORE so in April??)
Be kind to your web footed friends! Oh, and also - for fun, here is a Christian themed version of a Rap
Holly, KT and I keep joking about performing in front of our Sangha (Tibetan for Congregation or "body"). The spiritual philosophies are different to a critical degree - but the concept of tithing/supporting your Spiritual body is common to both camps. It is not because "that place NEEDS money".. it is, as Mary Hunt states in a well written way:
She goes on to explain how giving connects us to the world, it lets us know that our Source is abundant and always provides, and by moving the flow along to our church, temple, a charity of our choosing - it speaks volumes to our inner workings saying to our brains - I have enough and therefore I can share.
From my perspective... in a world of unending phenomena - a little piece of paper or coin is not really my wealth. It is a representation of some metal value somewhere that may or may not be accurate, but if the economy collapsed tomorrow - that currency by the wheelbarrow-full could not get you the same sustenance as a kind and warm hearted disposition. Because money says "entitlement" and those of us who have had large sums of money and not been able to buy our happiness... we have felt that empty feeling.
Likewise those of us who have been down to our last dime (from a monetary perspective) and still felt like we had a banquet of wealth to serve up to those in need... well we have been the fortunate ones.
So as the finance team member from a nonprofit I tell you to give what you can to those things you believe in / both to help them survive these times / and to give you a true feeling of abundance.
And as a silly boy with a blog and an opinion I tell you: give until it "tugs" at you a little - cause your silly brain tells you "I NEED to keep enough for me." To quote that verse I like to quote YET AGAIN... "consider the lilies of the field." (Hey that's rich - a lily quote from a pansy! Oopsy daisy!! I am off track...)
I have heard it differently, from a living source - and the song remains the same - you are abundantly empty potential - and the best way to show that is to defy any appearance of limitation in your life. When you are down to pocket lint (some of you may never be in this life), I understand that the BEST way to combat that sense of poverty and lack... is to GIVE of yourself. Offer your time or support to others in need. And trust me, as bad ad we have it... there is ALWAYS somebody else going through a more excruciating circumstance or agony. So offer them your council, your advice, a moment to let them know they are not alone in the world.
Giving is the antidote to lack. It seems crazy, but I can tell you it works. And those of you who are experiencing a GREAT abundance in this life - you should appreciate how generous you had to have been to acquire that result. If you think you got it by inheritance, or the right career path, or by siphoning away your assets while others were petty with theirs... think hard about it. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. A drop in the global market hurts WHO? The people with or the people without? Technically both... but I am off my point. My point is that wealth ain't got NUTTIN to do with bank balances. You can have money and be miserable. You can have money and be amazing. You can have nothing but the coat on your back and be miserable... or you can have "not a pot to pi$$ in"... and you can feel like royalty.
Your mind is your greatest asset, and this human consciousness of yours is your most prized possession. Invest well. Your body speech and mind are your accountants - and they are accurate down to the hay-penny... so invest your energy in those things which bring the best returns. Kindness. Compassion. Generosity. Good work on behalf of others. ~All~ others... not just the ones we benefit from helping.
Your return is now complete.
Now please digitally sign it so we may deposit your karmic tax return in your bank of merit for your pending retirement. (That will amuse you others out there who use Turbotax!)
Thanks for stopping by and have a GREAT day.
the real I.R.S.
The U.S. Federal Government has made taxation about the most complicated process I have EVER been required to participate in. Don't get me wrong... I am grateful (a lot of times) for what taxes provide... and other times I am resistant to what taxes support. But whatever the USAGE - I am amazed at how complex tax forms , rules and regulations can be.
And considering most of our lives are affected by taxes (from what we buy, sell or own - to where we live, work and play) it is strange to me how LITTLE we all understand taxes (and by WE it is implied that I am the tax moron - and you are all kind enough to let me pluralize the pronoun to disassociate from my shame.)
Anyway - I haven't much time to blog, but I spent the "better" part of this week (and by better I mean the most miserable parts) learning some fast track rules and regulations about nonprofits and what is required on donor reporting and things of this nature.
It was further made "interesting" (and by interesting I mean stressful) by the fact that we consolidated a lot of the operations of our organization this past year - so we were doing what one of my colleagues calls "forensic" accounting at times. The information is all in place - but as we move from multiple centers and methods of operations to a streamline consolidated administrative process - guess who gets to learn the ins and outs of book-keeping!? Poolesville CSI: Finance Team Cold Cases.
But I am finding it a rewarding fit for my problem solving mind - it is all about taking numbers (that reconcile if you have them all in the right order) and matching them with dates, and events and seeing how generous people are towards organizations that depend almost exclusively on people who believe in their cause.
So anyway - the check is in the mail (or rather, the statement is in the mail - and all the charities you supported this year are grateful for what you have given.)
FYI - this I did not know... 501(c)3 tax exempt organizations are required to send a statement to every member who gave a SINGLE donation of $250 at one time. This is good to know. Perhaps you give $50/month and do so all year long. If that church, rescue group, school system or whatever did not receive a SINGLE payment of $250+ from you - it does not matter that you gave perhaps gave more than $250 over multiple donations - you might have to request the receipt/statement if required it for your taxes. Most will try to provide statements for all donors, but the LAW requires that by January 31st (or February 2nd in the case of a year like 2009 where the 31st falls on a Saturday) all donors that gave $250 or more (in a single donation) are sent their tax documents from the nonprofit.
Kind of interesting I thought - a little counter intuitive too. If you have a charity you contribute to regularly - do not be afraid to ask for your donor receipt if they did not automatically send it out to you (give it til Friday -since they may have mailed it yesterday)... in these tough economic times... many charities are feeling the pinch of their donor base "shrinking" and so it is not always equitable to send full runs of contribution statements, plus in all volunteer orgs... just finding the PEOPLE POWER to manage such tasks can be a difficulty.
But I know as a member of the treasury team at our temple, we gladly will provide the reports to anyone who gave even a small, kind offering upon request. Their kindness is as critical to our survival as those we lovingly call the "big donors". It takes many drops to fill a bucket!
Just where is my mind these days? It is a chore in repetitive tasks to prepare all the documentation for tax filings. And I have decided that we should all be kind to the accountants, CPAs and those fortunate souls who are dug into the processing of all this paper trail at this time of year - (and how much MORE so in April??)
Be kind to your web footed friends! Oh, and also - for fun, here is a Christian themed version of a Rap
Holly, KT and I keep joking about performing in front of our Sangha (Tibetan for Congregation or "body"). The spiritual philosophies are different to a critical degree - but the concept of tithing/supporting your Spiritual body is common to both camps. It is not because "that place NEEDS money".. it is, as Mary Hunt states in a well written way:
What Giving Does
Giving proves the condition of my heart. The very act of giving is an expression of gratitude. It is a tangible way I can say thank-you for everything I have and for every way I have been blessed. Without gratitude operating in my life, more will never be enough, and nothing will bring satisfaction."
She goes on to explain how giving connects us to the world, it lets us know that our Source is abundant and always provides, and by moving the flow along to our church, temple, a charity of our choosing - it speaks volumes to our inner workings saying to our brains - I have enough and therefore I can share.
From my perspective... in a world of unending phenomena - a little piece of paper or coin is not really my wealth. It is a representation of some metal value somewhere that may or may not be accurate, but if the economy collapsed tomorrow - that currency by the wheelbarrow-full could not get you the same sustenance as a kind and warm hearted disposition. Because money says "entitlement" and those of us who have had large sums of money and not been able to buy our happiness... we have felt that empty feeling.
Likewise those of us who have been down to our last dime (from a monetary perspective) and still felt like we had a banquet of wealth to serve up to those in need... well we have been the fortunate ones.
So as the finance team member from a nonprofit I tell you to give what you can to those things you believe in / both to help them survive these times / and to give you a true feeling of abundance.
And as a silly boy with a blog and an opinion I tell you: give until it "tugs" at you a little - cause your silly brain tells you "I NEED to keep enough for me." To quote that verse I like to quote YET AGAIN... "consider the lilies of the field." (Hey that's rich - a lily quote from a pansy! Oopsy daisy!! I am off track...)
I have heard it differently, from a living source - and the song remains the same - you are abundantly empty potential - and the best way to show that is to defy any appearance of limitation in your life. When you are down to pocket lint (some of you may never be in this life), I understand that the BEST way to combat that sense of poverty and lack... is to GIVE of yourself. Offer your time or support to others in need. And trust me, as bad ad we have it... there is ALWAYS somebody else going through a more excruciating circumstance or agony. So offer them your council, your advice, a moment to let them know they are not alone in the world.
Giving is the antidote to lack. It seems crazy, but I can tell you it works. And those of you who are experiencing a GREAT abundance in this life - you should appreciate how generous you had to have been to acquire that result. If you think you got it by inheritance, or the right career path, or by siphoning away your assets while others were petty with theirs... think hard about it. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. A drop in the global market hurts WHO? The people with or the people without? Technically both... but I am off my point. My point is that wealth ain't got NUTTIN to do with bank balances. You can have money and be miserable. You can have money and be amazing. You can have nothing but the coat on your back and be miserable... or you can have "not a pot to pi$$ in"... and you can feel like royalty.
Your mind is your greatest asset, and this human consciousness of yours is your most prized possession. Invest well. Your body speech and mind are your accountants - and they are accurate down to the hay-penny... so invest your energy in those things which bring the best returns. Kindness. Compassion. Generosity. Good work on behalf of others. ~All~ others... not just the ones we benefit from helping.
Your return is now complete.
Now please digitally sign it so we may deposit your karmic tax return in your bank of merit for your pending retirement. (That will amuse you others out there who use Turbotax!)
Thanks for stopping by and have a GREAT day.
the real I.R.S.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
